Another Night of Chaos...

My head feels like it’s buzzing, I have the hiccups and I’m too hot….everything is too bright and noisy. Why does this happen? I hit absolute overwhelm and feel like wringing people’s necks. I can’t formulate a coherent sentence or find the right child’s name in the moment. I’ve been known to direct Mir-So-Gra-CHIARA!” to do something vital, only to find that my words are falling on deaf ears because I stuttered too much at the outset.
My hair keeps falling in my face.
Graysen is nursing and keeps trying to grab my other nipple.
He is into screaming in joy as well as agony. He whines, doesn’t have many words yet.
In the middle of dinner, he dropped a green bean down his diaper. He retrieved it which, of course, involved removing his diaper. I was so hungry I was shaking and so let Gray move on to the next logical action—getting out of his hichair, butt naked, and running into the den.
That was where, of course, he promptly peed and danced in it.

The kids are in bed, Graysen is watching Spongebob (after a screaming fit he threw outside the bedroom door, beyond which Chris is trying to sleep) and things have settled a little. To cool down I went out onto the front porch briefly—the air is warm and full of the scent of rain (oh please!). This is February…the weather is frightening. No snow this winter. As I stood there feeling myself relax I heard them: a chorus of many coyotes harmonize to the moonless sky. The world is all sound and fury….