Choices....

Emotions run high today, a symptom of lingering stress. Chris, my husband, is stressed by a job that demands so much from him. He's working 6 days a week for the forseeable future, and each of those days also requires a commute of 120 miles roundtrip. The job is a good one, and he's fortunate to work days now, instead of nights. He worked graveyard shift (with a commute) for nearly a year. That ended this past April and we're both relieved. Still, jobs can be stressful, especially when you're faced with a learning curve. His new position requires him to learn a whole new technology--he was in computer hardware support, now he's a technician supporting projector technology. It's all very complicated. Greek to me.
I, too, have been smothered by stress lately. My job at Mothering effectively moot, I am in limbo. Where do I put my energy? What do I focus on and build? I am slowly letting go of the job I wanted...I think I still want it but it's been so long that I have to move on, emotionally. I need to at least start considering other options. Plan B. For nearly 5 years I have freelanced as a graphic designer, writer, editor, and photographer, and I am still pursuing jobs. But do I throw myself into this and market my services on a wider scale? Do I want to be taking in a lot more contract work, pursuing invoices, writing contracts, dealing with vendors? Whereas the flexibility of running my own business is wonderful, and empowering, it's also tiring. To bring my business to the next level I really need to spend a lot of time on it now, and that won't pay off right away. There's something so attractive about getting a regular paycheck...ditto going to work rather than planting my butt on the couch (where I am now). I won't even go into the long story that is my "home office."
Other ideas have been floating around in my brain. I need something solid to latch onto, some sort of plan that offers a bit more hope and possibility.
A few months back I entertained the idea of going into business with my sister. We looked into buying an established babywear business. We both have good connections for this market and we work well together. She lives in Seattle, I'm here in Santa Fe. It all made sense....until we realized that we would likely take the business and redesign it from the ground up. We toyed with the idea of starting something from scratch, came up with a name, a look, and product. Then, she realized that her focus needs to be on school. I balked at the fact that I don't have a designated place in my house, right now, to run a business that requires stocking inventory. The idea drifted away. We both still want to pursue it at some point, but that "some point" is so nebulous now. Today, it came up again for me. Perhaps I need to pursue it on my own. Scale it back a little from the original plan...offer two product lines rather than three. Maybe I need to start small now, draw up a timeline, work on it slowly with no expectation of return for about a year or so.
Alternately, perhaps I should finally bite the bullet and throw myself into school. Obtaining my degree, that speck in the proverbial distance of time, is a goal that I have long wanted to meet. A goal that continues to be elusive. Santa Fe is tough for that--we have no public four-year university here. The closest is in Albuquerque, 60 miles away. I'd hate to commute for school...but maybe I need to consider it. Maybe I could go part-time, take some classes online, work toward it slowly. It IS the most affordable option, after all. I'd prefer to pursue my dream of attending Prescott College as a distance BA student, but I balk at the cost. Really. Maybe I need to consider private college for my MA rather than my BA.
But with a degree....would I teach? Would I start my own business? Would I write books and travel?? What??
Obviously, the choices are still not clear enough. Hopefully, time will lend that clarity.