flying through life with my hair on fire...i am a planet called mom, with four moons in my orbit.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

I suck at this....


Last update to my planet: March. It is now July. Conclusion: I suck at this blogging thing.
Inspiration this morning came from my good friend at Stay-at-Home-Mayhem, who also has lots of comments after each of her posts (jealousy rises!!). She is here: http://stay-at-home-mayhem.blogspot.com/

And I...I am here, planted in my seat on the couch, hoping that "Da da da," also known as Spongebob, will keep the kinder happy for a while so I can write something of note here.

For just over a month now I have been living in a gray, emotional limbo. My life is on hold. School ended in May along with my job at Mothering magazine. I was waiting then too--waiting for the chronic migraines that had spiked in March to subside. Waiting for my hip surgery, scheduled for June 7th but entirely up in the air because my surgeon's first baby was also due that day. Now, from my July 8th vantage point, I look back and can see this whole year as being one of waiting and hoping that something will open up. That my career will take a mega leap, that Graysen will talk and use the new blue potty that is taking up so much real estate in the bathroom (which as of this moment has just been a repository for farts).

I took a chance in the beginning of June and enrolled Graysen in preschool two days a week. I did this so I could regain a touch of sanity, and maybe get some work done. What I didn't anticipate was that there would be no work. Or, should I say, not much work. As I suspected over a year ago, there wasn't another book project following on the heels of the one I worked on for Mothering. My title "Book Editor" now seems a cruel joke. Freelancing is hit or miss, and the cash flow from that is always unreliable. I'm still awaiting payment for a project I did over a year ago, and am now considering small claims court.

But what I am really waiting for now is a job that I want with all my heart and soul. It's a full-time communications position with a local private school and I applied for it just days following my surgery (which thankfully DID happen on June 7th). I was hoping to hear something this past week but the phone has been silent. I'm living on pins and needles, have been really cranky as a result, and am simultaneously mad at myself for putting so much of my hope into this one thing.

The waiting continues on this rainy gray Saturday. I am a held breath, hoping not to explode.

2 Comments:

Blogger The Maven said...

If I could write as eloquently as you, I might actually have a shot at becoming a freelance writer. Instead, I just throw in a big slab of sarcasm and hope for the best ;)

Things do sound on hold for you right now. I really hope that they pick up quickly and that you don't go stir-crazy in the process (I know all about that stir-crazy business). Gutsy goes to preschool three mornings a week beginning in September and I'm hoping to use the time to prop my feet up and do some writing. Or maybe just sip a decaf in the backyard. You know, there's something nice about that, too. So while you're waiting for life to pick up (and it will! You are far too wonderful not to have amazing things happen), enjoy a nice cup of something soothing, mama *hugs*

9:14 AM

 
Blogger ana nicole june said...

Aw, you're ever so kind. Thank you again for getting me back into this! It's good for my restless spirit. :)

xox

2:21 PM

 

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